How Can I Keep On Living?
by BlackShadow23
Summary: This is the story of the after affects of losing amy and Rory and how a young girl from Leagworth wearing a bow tie and fez, helps the doctor back up on his feet. Please read and let me know what you think!


**This is the story of how the Doctor met a young fangirl in leadworth, who gracioulsy helped him back on his feet after he lost Amy and Rory.**

**This girl is not based on me, or anyone in particula, just the entier fandom of Doctor Who, what she does is what I hope any of us would do if we ever met the Doctor in this ****situation.**

**Please read and review and let me know what you think after.**

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A girl walked down a quiet little street in Leadworth, there was a slight bounce in her step and if you looked closely you could see her miming the lyrics of the song that was playing through her green earphones, which swung back and for the across her chest as she walked.

She wore a white shirt, brown skinny jeans and boots, the odd thing about her appearance was the blue bowtie sticking out underneath her hair and the top of a red fez which poked out of her rucksack. You smile, you remember when you once wore a fez, it was the end of the world and there you were running round in a fez. Your smile soon fades as you realise you were with _them, _it feels like you haven't been with them for hundreds of years, when it's really just been 3 days. Three days since it happened, since the angels, since, since, since everything that went wrong.

You watch as the girl crosses the rode to your side of the street, hopping up onto the curb and playing on some inmaginary drums. Humans, you think, amused but the simplest of things. They truly are a beautiful race, so small and insignificant in the whole scheme of the universe, but in their innocence they are beautiful. You watch as she gets closer, and look away as her pace slows and her smile fades to one of concern.

"Doctor?" she exclaims, you can't help but turn to look at her, she knows you, she knows who you are, but how? Suddenly she is besides you, knelt down in front of you, her face looks worried, concerned, but her eyes, her eyes were full of awe, of wonder. "Are you OK?" she asks looking right into your eyes.

Nobody ever looked at you like that, not even _them_, no-one ever looked at you with eyes filled with such awe and admiration, while their faces displayed such worry and concern.

"Who are you?" you ask,

"Just a fan, no-one important." She says, he puts her bag down and sits next to you on the floor. You notice the fez again and smile.

"I wore a fez once." You say smiling down at the floor she smiled too,

"I know you did. It was the end of the world and you ran round in a fez, well, until river blew it to pieces." You look at her in shock, her smile is as big as yours was, just like she was there with you when it happened, re living one of her own fond memories.

"How do you know that?" you ask making eye contact for the first time.

"Like I said, I'm a fan." You fall into a brief silence, "they've just left you, haven't they?" she states, it's not a question. Again she appears to know all about you, but this time you don't bother to question, it's like you need to just talk to someone about it, no matter who they are. You nod, and before you've even considered it, you're telling her everything that happened.

You tell her about the angels, about river, about how _they_ left you, you choke as you talk, remembering that horrible night all over again. You smile and tell her about how you met _them_ about how _they _became your best friends. And suddenly it doesn't stop, you're telling her about everything, about everyone, about _her, _about how you always have to leave them behind in the end, about how no-one can travel with you forever.

You look up at her and notice that she too is crying, her cheeks are wet with tears, just like yours. "Who are you?" you ask again, this unanswered question is bugging you, how can she know so much, how can she know it at all. Not even _they _know this much.

She looks down at her hands and wipes her tears away, "I'm one of those people who love you, who love what you do, who are grateful of what you do, who cry when you cry, who have seen it all with you, though you may not have known we were there. I'm one of those people who are so thankful that every day you are running round in your in bow tie in your TARDIS saving everyone you meet, defeating the bad guys, saving the world from invasions us humans could never prevent." Here she paused and you look at her in shock yet again, there are more like her?

"Who are you really?" you ask, "What's your name?"

"I am everyone, I cannot just give you my name, I should tell you them all, I cannot just give you mine, because then you would only know that I exist and not everybody else who is like me."

"How many are you?" you ask,

"There are thousands, millions, billions, of us, all over the world, who are thankful for all that you've done."

"I thought people forgot me, or didn't know I existed"

"Doctor, you are not someone who can be forgotten easily. You come into our lives with such energy, which such knowledge and such fierce determination, that whoever we are to you, friend or foe, we cannot simply forget you. You destroy us or save us, someone like that, doesn't simply slip from memory."

"When did you first meet me?" you ask, "I have never seen you before"

"I have never met you face to face before." She says "I have" she paused; it looked like she was searching for the right word to use" "I have, watched you since I was 9 years old. My parents first showed me the man who runs round in his bow tie when I was 9. Of course you didn't wear a bow tie then, a leather jacket I think." You nod, remembering when you were him and you realise how far you've come since then. "I have to admit that I was terrified, the Empty child was the first monster I saw, and I still can't look at a gas mask even now 7 years later."

"Sorry" you whisper, she smiles and puts a hand on your shoulder,

"No need to be sorry, it wasn't your fault, I should have looked away. And without you the virus would have spread, and we may still have gasmask faces today, if you hadn't stopped it. So there's no need to apologise."

She laughs quietly, "I always dreamed of meeting you, for a second, for a minute, for an hour, however long it was I knew that I would love it, that we would run, that we would defeat the bad guys and then run off in the TARDIS." She paused again, and looks at you, "I never imagined I would meet you like this Doctor, sat on the floor, tear streaks down your face, head in your hands. Doctor, even when Rose was trapped on the parallel world, you kept fighting, just because they're gone, that doesn't mean that you should stop." Your tears are clouding your vision as your remember them _all _again.

"How can I?" you ask "How can I keep going when everyone I meet ends up hurt, you're scared for life because of the gas mask children, Rose is trapped on another world with a duplicate of me, Martha and Micky are going freelance and hunting down aliens, she could have been a doctor, had a normal life, and the I came along, and Rose, Rose left everything behind for me. And then theirs Dona, who had to forget, I lost my best friend, sometimes, sometimes I just want Dona back, sometimes I need her comedic moments, sometimes I just need my friend." You voice becomes shaky and you take a deep breath, "and then there's the Ponds, Amy, Rory and River, Amy waited for me for 14 years then runs away on her wedding night and Rory, Rory dies over and over again, he waits for 2000 years outside a box for Amy and even after all that they come with me, even after their Baby was stolen from them, and returned in the form of River Song, they still came with me. And look where it got them." Your breathing comes in gasps and you hardly manage to get your words out, but it feels better, it feels better to let it all go.

"They all chose their fate, we all chose our fate, by following you, by travelling with you we all chose that one day something would happen to us, we knew what we put ourselves in for, but still we came with you. You cannot blame yourself for what happened to us, we chose to follow you, and you'll never be able to change our minds about that."

"Nothing has happened to you though, you're not hurt, you're not dead, and you can remember it all, when they can't"

"I'm not physically hurt, but mentally, mentally I am obsessed, look at me, I'm even wearing what you wear, and I'm going to a fancy dress party with my friends who are going as Amy and Rory. I can't look at a gas mask without freaking out and imagining everyone with a gas mask face. Whenever I see a statue I have to walk past it without blinking, every time I notice that I have two shadows, or see dust mites in the air, I have to remind myself that it's not real, that the shadows won't eat me. But you know what, I don't care, I knew that that would happen, my imagination runs wild and I see stuff that doesn't exist. And considering the fact that I am sat here talking to you, it probably means that it does exist. But so what, I get to see amazing things Doctor, things I never thought I would see, and so did they. See Doctor, you didn't harm us, it's not your fault that we get hurt, it's ours and if it bothered us so much, then we would stop watching, we would stop travelling with you. You can't blame yourself for something we chose to do."

"Are you sure it's not my fault?" You ask looking at her, pleading with her to tell you the truth. Part of you wants her to say; "no actually it is your fault" so that you can drown again in the pool of self-pity. But the other half wants her to tell you that it really is not your fault.

She looks at you, a sympathetic expression on her face; she looks directly into your eyes, as if showing you her own, that they are not lying, "No Doctor, it really isn't your fault."

Then you sit there in silence, unsure what to say, what to think or what to do.

"I'll keep going" you say "For them, for all of them, and for you" She smiles, a toothy smile which spreads up to her eyes

"Good" she says, the smile never leaving her face, she stands up to leave, like she feels accomplished in her little mission.

"Wait." You say, extending a hand towards her, she raises her eye brows not bothering to ask why.

"Do you mind helping me to the TARDIS?" you ask, the you smile, genuinely for the first time in a long time, at the light that flickers into life in her eyes, "My legs are a little dead and I'm sure you'd like to see it. And it's the least I can do to say thank you"

"Of course" she says beaming down at you, she offers you a hand which you take to stand up, you're a little wobbly on your feet, so she slings your arm round her shoulder and together you make your way to the TARDIS.

As you walk, you give her directions, silently and obediently she obeys, turning in the direction you point her. As the TARDIS comes into view you can feel the excitement radiating off the young girl, and smile as you remember the excitement you could hardly contain when you first laid eyes on the TARDIS.

You push the door open with your free arm and she walks you through, you feel her pace slow as she takes in all the details of the TARDIS. You walk up the steps to the main console and she places you gently on the yellow chair by the next set of stairs. She takes a step back and absorbs everything she sees, you watch with a smile on your face as she turns slowly and runs her hands along the console of the TARDIS.

"You could come with me" you say as she walks round to the other side, her face appears again, looking round the central column, looking at you in confusion.

"No I couldn't. Don't get me wrong I'd love to, but it's not my place. I just don't think I should take the place of someone else. There's a girl called Clara who you'll meet very soon, it's her job to feel the gap of Amy and Rory, not mine." She says walking back round to you

"How do you know that?" you ask

"Spoilers" she says in mock imitation of River Song.

You laugh, "You know it all, don't you." She nods,

"Just not the future" she pauses and looks round again at TRADIS, "It really is beautiful, but I think I preferred 9 and 10's though" She looks at you and smiles, "Thank you for showing me this, I have to go now though if I ever want to reach that party" She turns to leave, as she makes her way down the steps you speak,

"Let me take you. I'm sure you're about half an hour late already" she nods,

"That's true, but what do I tell my friends when I arrive the _the _TARDIS" you smile,

"Tell them the Doctor bought you of course" then she laughs

"You know what, they might just believe me" You smile with her, then dash around the console, pushing all the right buttons, pulling all the right leavers to send you to the time you need." She follows you round, looking in awe as you set the TARDIS in motion.

Then the TARDIS jolts to a stop and you both grip the side of the console to prevent you from falling over,

She laughs, "My brain is still trying to process the fact that I just travelled in time, so what if it was half an hour, it's just, wow" she pauses and looks up at you, a smile growing on her face and her eyes sparkling with joy.

"Thank you" she says

"No" you reply, "Thank you" then you hug her, in a huge thanks for all that she has done for you, "Without you I would still be sat on the floor in the street, with no hope left, so thank you for giving me hope back, for giving me the strength to carry on." She smiles up at you

"You're welcome" then she pulls away and jumps down the TADRIS steps, "Don't you forget me Doctor" she smiles then with a last look round and a wave of her hand she is gone, out the doors and back into her world.

"Don't worry" you whisper, "I won't"

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**Possible 2nd person from girls POV**


End file.
